Big Block of Cheese Day
by Dreamscapes Symphonic
Summary: Sam thinks Toby's an alien....


Alright, I'm really not dawdling with my sequel, it's just that I got a little plot bunny and had to write this. I'm not normally much of a humor or parody writer, with the exception of my movie parodies, but I think this came out pretty funny and I had a lot of fun writing it. So here it is. Also, this is a one-shot deal. So please don't ask about continuing it. I just can't.  
  
I'm also thinking about using this as part of an experiment. Can you write a humor story and an angst story with the same plot? What do you think?  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine but it's fun to parody, as much as I love it.   
  
Big Block of Cheese day had rolled around again. Moaning and groaning, the staffers all read their assignments, bickered, attempted to swap, bickered some more, then fell silent as Leo began the Big Block of Cheese speech. Toby mouthed the words along with him. Josh's head slipped down dangerously far until it smacked down on the table with a loud thud and he began snoring. CJ slipped her meeting schedule under the table to Ed, who grinned and gave her his. But Leo wasn't swayed from the speech until the door burst open and Sam ran in.  
  
"I'm sorry!" he gasped, "I went to give the President the statement on the teachers' unions' strikes and he trapped me and Charlie in the Oval Office and told us the history of strikes and it was horrible! I barely escaped through the vent."  
  
He burst into tears. "Sit down Sam." Leo said, "Here's your assignment."  
  
"He's still got Charlie." Sam whimpered, taking the paper. He sat down next to Josh who was now drooling on his.  
  
"—irit of Andrew Jackson," Leo began where he'd left off, "we set aside one day each month to meet with groups that we normally wouldn't."  
  
Sam looked at his assignment. Ten o' clock. Bob the alien guy. This was his third Big Block of Cheese Day in a row with this guy. Margaret must have some kind of vendetta against him. That made him hotter than a pistol. He promised himself he'd bust her like a piñata next time he saw her.  
  
  
  
Bob was sitting in the Roosevelt Room, his face half-obscured in the shadows. Sam set down his papers and sat down.  
  
"Hi." He said.  
  
"Hi." Bob said.  
  
"So what is it today? Aliens over the Atlantic?"  
  
"No, worse." Bob stood up, his back to Sam. "This time it's closer to home."  
  
He whirled around as thunder boomed. "Aliens are taking over our federal government."  
  
Sam coughed with feigned interest and polished his glasses. "What makes you think that?"  
  
"We have our sources."  
  
"Weekly World News?"  
  
"They're confidential!!"  
  
Bob the alien guy sat down again. "We have reason to believe that one of their scouts is right here in the White House. May have been the entire Administration."  
  
"Yeah." Sam said, "So how much energy is Congress putting into this?"  
  
"None! And I'll tell you why! They'll be there soon. They're spying, just waiting to strike."  
  
"Congress or the aliens?"  
  
It was time to go. Sam let out a grateful sigh and wished the alien man good luck. "Right here in the White House." He called to Sam as Sam hurried out.  
  
The next day, work was back to normal. Sam sat at his desk, working on his latest assignment. Bob's words kept passing through his head. Right here in the White House...  
  
No, that was stupid. Big Block of Cheese Day was over. But Sam couldn't help peering out at the bullpen at everyone working. Could one of them possibly be gathering evidence for another planet's government to assist in their quest for universal domination?  
  
But who could it be? Not CJ. She spent all her time trying to keep secrets. Not Josh. He spent all his time --- well, Sam didn't quite know what exactly he did, but it wasn't spying for alien governments. Who then?  
  
"Toby." Kathy said.  
  
"What?" Sam asked, thinking she'd read his mind and answered his question.  
  
"Toby's on the phone for you."  
  
Sam picked up the phone. As Toby droned on about something important Sam thought that he certainly seemed to know a lot of information about pretty much everything.  
  
"-and I'm coming back now, so make sure Josh gets it to me by five."  
  
"Yeah." Sam said distractedly, looking into Toby's office. You know, it was almost too clean and organized.  
  
"Good."  
  
Toby hung up. Sam tried to get back to work, but realized his hands were trembling. Everything was falling into place. For once Bob the alien guy had been right. Aliens were taking over the federal government and Toby was one of them!  
  
How had Sam not seen it before? It all fit. He was always so grumpy because of his superior alien knowledge and intergalactic jet lag. The whole superior knowledge thing also explained his rudeness to Josh and idiots at meetings. And a bald, shiny head it perfect for receiving messages from the mothership.  
  
He now had a choice. He could either stand up to Alien Toby like a real man or run and hide and never come out. It was obvious which path he would have to take.  
  
  
  
"Sam, what are you doing under my desk?"  
  
CJ pulled her chair aside and crouched down behind her desk, under which Sam was curled in a fetal position.  
  
"Go away!" Sam yelled, burying his face in his arms.  
  
"I can't. I have to work and I can't with you there."  
  
"I'm not coming out!"  
  
"Carol!"  
  
Carol came in. She and CJ dragged Sam out from his hiding place. He scrambled to get back under but they tossed him out and slammed the door.  
  
"CJ!" he yelled, pounding on the door. "CJ! Let me in!"  
  
She opened the door a crack. "We have a huge problem!"  
  
She opened the door a bit wider and he slipped in. "What's the problem?"  
  
"I was talking to Bob yesterday and—"  
  
"The alien guy? Sam, go back to work."  
  
"I'm serious!" Sam cried as they pushed him back out the door. "They're taking over and T—"  
  
She slammed the door again. Sam sighed. He had to find someone who'd believe him.  
  
"Sam did you—"  
  
Sam whirled around. Toby was standing in his office doorway. Screaming and waving his arms wildly, Sam started running toward the Oval Office.  
  
The President was signing birthday cards when Sam burst into the room. He dove behind the desk as Toby rushed in after him.  
  
"Sam, what in God's name—"  
  
"Secret Service!" Sam yelled to the agents who had chased them into the room, guns drawn. "He's an alien! Quick, get him! Don't let him take over the federal government!"  
  
Half the agents turned their guns on Toby. The other half fell to the floor, howling with laughter.  
  
"Gentlemen, what is going on here?" the President demanded.  
  
"Toby's an alien!" Sam shrieked, popping out from under the desk, "Get him!"  
  
"Sam, get up."  
  
Sam meekly obeyed. "Now everybody sit down and tell me what in the name of the big block of cheese is going on here."  
  
Everyone sat down except Sam who was pondering the contradicting orders he'd been given. "Now," the President said, "Sam, you have two minutes. Speak."  
  
"Toby's an alien."  
  
"And..."  
  
"That's it. I yield the rest of my time."  
  
The President laughed. "Why do you think Toby's an alien?"  
  
"He fits all the signs."  
  
Several of the agents nodded in agreement. One still had his gun on Toby, but was watching him fearfully, as though afraid laser beams would come shooting out his eyes.  
  
The President stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm... I suppose you may be right, Sam, but let's talk to Leo about this."  
  
He walked outside and turned on a giant signal light, aiming it up into the sky.  
  
  
  
Leo and Josh were on Capitol Hill in a meeting with the Speaker of the House. Yawning, Leo looked out the window. There, in the sky, was the Leo- signal!  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Speaker," Leo said, interrupting Josh mid-rant. "But we have to go. Quick, Josh! To the Leomobile!"  
  
Thirty minutes later Leo and Josh hurried into the Oval Office. "Damn fan club." Josh muttered. His fan club had barricaded Pennsylvania Avenue. All seven of them had stood in the road and refused to move until he gave them autographs.  
  
"Leo!" Sam cried from his half-sitting half-standing position.  
  
"Sir, we have an accusation from that twitchy fellow over there that this man is an alien." Said one of the agents.  
  
Leo walked over to Sam and smacked him upside the head. "He's not an alien." He said.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I hired him. Do you think I would have hired an alien?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"No." Leo answered his own question. He laughed and clapped Sam on the back. "No more meetings with Bob for you."  
  
Sam smiled sheepishly. "Get back to work." Leo said to the room at large. "And Josh, take off that ridiculous mask."  
  
Sam and Toby walked back to their offices together. "Sorry about that." Sam said as they stood in his doorway. "Are we cool?"  
  
"Yeah, we're cool."  
  
Sam walked in. Toby went to his office and closed the door. He went straight to the telephone, punched in a number, and waited.  
  
"Hello." He said after a minute. "This is Zieglex reporting to the mothership. We are ready to commence with our plan."  
  
THE END 


End file.
